Children and Young People's Workforce

First Visit - Stage 5 - Intervention - Negotiation, realistic goal setting, expectation management

This is a time of immense emotional expectation for the child. For some it will be excitement with all the associated behaviour, or fear at seeing the person again since they have been in prison. The child may well expect everything to be the same and have little concept of the time constraints (often only an hour). It is a good idea to chat through with the child what they would like to say and help them to recognise that everyone will have something to say. The hardest part of the visit may well be managing the waiting as the process includes time to wait, to be searched, to go into the visiting area and to wait for the prisoner to come into the room. After the visit the child may be very quiet or angry.

Pressure on the partner is increased at this time, as they have to organise the transport, hold the family together, appear as though they can cope, although perhaps wanting their partner to realise that they can't. They may also wish to look their best, despite the trauma they may actually be experiencing. It is helpful to try and prepare the partner for the practicalities of the visit. Help the person to think through what they want to, need to, and have to say to the prisoner, perhaps by writing a letter before the visit. This letter may never be sent but helps to clarify the priority points to talk about during the time together. If the prisoner has had a drug or alcohol misuse lifestyle they may appear more healthy than normal, as the daily routines of prison life benefit the early stages of recovery. This can be confusing for the visitor.

Perhaps in a strange way the person in prison can anticipate the first visit in a similar way to the child, or with strong feelings of guilt as this is the first time they have been seen in the prison environment. Some people put on a 'brave face', others will talk as if they are a victim, perhaps expressing anger at their treatment and making requests, deals or attempting to bargain in order to feel better about a very bad situation. This is often a time of contemplation. There may be expressions of guilt about the shame they have caused and gratitude at the
effort the family have made to come and visit, which may involve a long journey.

Due to the change in routines and roles for each person, time can appear to run at a different pace for each. For example, the offender in prison is adapting or has adapted to a very clear and unchanging routine. Time may appear to move very slowly, their response to their sentence can determine how well they cope. A persistent offender may adapt quickly, however a first time offender may be very distressed/shocked and emotional. The child can be asking what appear to be ridiculous questions as they try to process what has happened. The questions and comments may appear insensitive, but it is important to answer them honestly.